I think the first time I confronted the question of “what kind of a man I like” was when I was filling my Orkut profile wayyyy back in first year college. It was a baffling question indeed, like the many things you have a vague idea of but never have a specific list. There are all these cliches that invariably come popping out of you – he should be caring and charming and should “understand” me and also make me feel like a princess and the list goes on. But of course you are never really satisfied by your answers because you always believe that they are not your answers.
And they are never your answers because you are so culturally conditioned to like a certain kind of a man that you can never really break out unless, umm, how do you say, you have tested the waters yourselves? But still you are stuck in a mould. And It is really difficult to break away from 18-20 years of socialisation isn’t it?
There are a lot of things that tell you what kind of a man you’d want rather than just the socialisation. Sometimes it is the kind of upbringing you’ve got, you might like an older man if you’ve had issues with your father as a teenager. If you have lacked a certain kind of fatherly security, you’d look for it in your man. It is a popular theory that all women want to be with the really mean, rugged, adventurous guys who are the studs. It is just a theory and like all theories, it has its loop holes. I wouldn’t go through them, just that I personally feel that girls go out with such men to fill a certain rebellious gap in their system – the guys are out the moment the gap is filled.
So what kind of a guy does a girl really like? And how does she know it for sure?
Let’s answer the second question first – no one never knows for sure but people know something very near to it, which keeps the spark going.
The answer to the first is really tricky. What kind of a guy does a girl really like? Is there a prototype?
I want to write that there is no prototype, that you just know when you see the guy, your guy, that he is the one. I want to write that FINALLY those guys in Main Hu Na were correct, there are violins all right.
It does happen for some, but really finding what you want in your guy is a much more subtle, much more understated process. It is the coming together of all your beliefs in one place. It is like finding the right intersection point for all that you believe in and all that you think is important for you to be you.
It is kinda very simple when you get to know it, really.
I found all the qualities that I wanted in my guy one fine day while watching the movie Kabhi Kabhi especially the scene below
after which I promptly went to my Orkut profile and updated this:
ideal match: A guy-next-door types…simplicity rocks!
What Shashi Kapoor does here is complete magic – in this movie, he is married to a girl through an arranged marriage and is living his life happily, with a son who is independent, smart, handsome – in short it is a happy family with a beautiful wife, son and with good friends and of course loads of money. He is a great fan of Amit Kumar who is a well renowned shayar and whose book ‘Kabhi Kabhi’ he gifted to his wife on their suhagraat.
Cut to the scene above and Shashi Kapoor comes to know, on an outstation trip where Amit Kumar has come to pick them up for a dinner invitation, that his loving wife had once been in love with Amit Saab and had wanted to get married to him.
He gets jealous, behaves rudely on the jeep ride to his place and generally is not his own self. He is a fine picture of a jealous man who cannot control his feelings of anger when it comes to his woman, his wife.
Then he gets some drinks, thinks things over and what he says next is something will be etched in my memory for a long, long time to come.
“इतनी सी बात नहीं समझ सके …बहुत ही छोटे आदमी निकले विजय खन्ना .
मर्द जात बड़ी ही खुदगर्ज़ होती है, इतनी सी बात और अफसाना कर दिया? यारी, दोस्ती, रिश्ते, नाते, सब भूल गए? अरे यार, वोह औरत जो आपके बच्चे की माँ बनती है, बीस साल आपके साथ य़ू गुजारती है जैसे पानी खुश्क और बंजर ज़मीन पर बरसता है और फिर मर्द यह सोचने लगे की क्या उसका कोई माजी था, कोई अतीत था, फ़ला आदमी से मिली थी की नहीं, उसे चाहा था की नहीं, ऐसी घटिया और छोटी बातें सोच कर मर्द अपने आप को गिरा देता है .”
The language of course is brilliant, the conversation between Amitabh Bachchan and Shashi Kapoor has been discussed by film lovers since ages. People who love good writing, some good prose, all have given their accolades from time to time to this particular piece of conversation in the movie, Kabhi Kabhi.
But what I can see here is not a conversation – I see a man who is very much a man – it hits him bad when he finds out his wife loved some one else before getting married to him. He is very much the man who gets weak when it comes to the woman he loves. But, he is the man who accepts it as a flaw. And then goes on to love the same way none the less. He is not the extra liberated, irritabily adjusting man for whom, “sab chalta hai”. This man has his limits and he doesn’t try to be some one else.
He is the simple guy next door, ready to listen to you. Ready to understand you. Ready to cut you some slack but not without his own limitations. Not without his own prejudices.
He is not a saint, but in the process of becoming one. In your eyes, for sure.
Shashi Kapoor, in all his characters that he has played in many of the movies, especially Kabhi Kabhi and Trishul has epitomised the simple guy for me. He does it so perfectly that most of his women admirers I have met, including me believe that this is how he is in his real life.
The guy next door. Oh you bet!