She wondered about her ex. Yeah that’s what a person, with whom you shared your life, your emotions and your body comes to be known after you are no longer together. The common parlance which reduces all of that to an alphabet. A syllable. That’s all it is reduced to. Probably it makes the hurt seem less of a burden to carry. It is just the burden of a single alphabet. A single syllable.
She still longed for him. She still longed for the days she could endlessly chat with him. The times when they took short trips across the city. When they ate on the streets. She drifted to those days. She wanted to feel the happiness she felt then. Try as she might, she could not. Isn’t the universe based on efficiency? the survival of the fittest and all that jazz. Why such convoluted relationships, then? Her eye brows came together in thought once again.
“It is okay to not trust someone,” he told her matter-of-factly
“I mean come on, we have both been through a lot and it is okay to not trust someone now”
“I am delighted at how black and white you think everything is!”
Was it about trust? She wasn’t sure what was it that kept them aloof. Unlike the yester years, they had nothing to talk about. Nothing to say. There was nothing in common except the failed love they both wanted to forget, so of course talking about it was out of the question. There was no conversation and the endless cups of coffee were not helping. It was good that he knew about the lack of conversation. It put her mind to ease. There was no pressure to make small talk and she hated small talk. On the other hand, the silence between them was deafening.
“My divorce isn’t final yet”
Well acquainted with the divorce laws, it was not news to her. Considering he was married only recently, divorce of course would take some time.
“I am just telling.”
She realised that it was the divorce. She needed his divorce to be final to make a claim at him. Somehow it was still a married man across the table. He did not seem her own.
She thought of her ex again. The burden of the syllable still weighed on her. She longed for that comfort with someone. Stirring the coffee while staring hard at the cup, she wanted to give up.
He broke her stupor by a peck on her cheek. Startled, she broke the cup and created a mess good enough to miss the moment. If there was any moment. He looked embarrassed. She looked pissed.
His divorce wasn’t final yet.